Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
