I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So vagazzling was a success
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
