EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
