He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
