I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
