life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
