We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Randomize
