The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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