omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
