I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
