im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He? As in you personified your dick?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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