You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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