paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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