just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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