you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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