and you said cock pushups were impossible
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
