He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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