well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
