And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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