i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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