He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
