I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
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This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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