Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i believe in u and ur pee
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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