You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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