just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
