they need to just BURY HIM!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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