Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
