I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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