Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
