My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize