T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
