We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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