Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize