Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
be right there i have to get my cape
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
