while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
