I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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