im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
