At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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