I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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