My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
