Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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