I love black thongs
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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