This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
