Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize