You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
