i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
