I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
