She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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