Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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