eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm too high and old for this...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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