Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
