Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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