New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
