Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
