If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize