So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
