Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
