I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
