trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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