...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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