Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
