Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
