found the other keg... it's in the tree
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
