I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
