I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
did you just send me my own nude
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
