i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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