"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
