so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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