Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
