rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
