I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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