Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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