can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
