He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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