Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
