I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Less talking, more tequila
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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